krista firkins

Post Long-Distance Relationships: The Reality of Reuniting

Krista Firkins

(as originally published on feather-magazine.com)

You or your significant other were abroad or away for months. You maintained a long-distance relationship through video chats, late-night phone calls and incessant texting. But now you’re living a block away from one another again… so now what?

One study published in Communication Research journal estimated that up to half of the college student population is in a long-distance relationship, and 75 percent of college students will be in one at some point. With increasing technologies to accommodate these relationships, it is likely long-distance relationships will become even more common, leaving even more twenty-something women wondering what to do after they’re reunited with their significant other.

We’ve summed up the steps to take when your sweetie, or you, returns.

Reunite
It is completely understandable that in the first few days of you being back with your significant other, you may be inseparable and display vomit-inducing affection. No need to deny this or be ashamed of it. But just know that this pattern can’t last forever, and spending too much time together is not only unhealthy, but can put a strain on other relationships and can cause either person to have to make sacrifices in other areas of their lives. You don’t want to be that couple that spends so much time together they don’t have friends anymore.

Reevaluate
Some of the routines you’ve developed to accommodate the long-distance relationship are no longer going to be necessary, and you’ll have to think about what it will take in order to move forward. For instance, you probably won’t need to be home at 8 p.m. on Wednesdays for a Skype chat with your boo.

Dr. Marie Hartwell-Walker, a psychologist and marriage and family counselor, explains in an article that boundaries will have to be put in place to allow the relationship to rebuild itself, and each person in the relationship will have to learn how to readjust to this change.

“Couples that succeed put boundaries around their time together so that they have time and space for intimacy and renewal,” she wrote.

Readjust
After all long-distance relationships, couples typically have to readjust their communicate techniques. For example, it will probably be unnecessary to send the typical 5 emails a day if the primary way you now communicate is through face-to-face contact rather than the Internet.

According to a study released by the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships, couples in long-distance relationships experienced, on average, 1.5 visits per month, and only spoke on the phone once every two days. Readjusting to almost daily contact will take time, and shouldn’t be expected to happen overnight.

At the end of the day, how to readjust and move forward in a relationship is different with every couple, and both have to be committed to making a more conventional situation work.

“As with all relationships,” Hartwell-Walker wrote, “the key to success is that the partners are committed to each other and their own way of being a couple.”

Cell Phone Etiquette: When is it Appropriate to Talk?

Krista Firkins

(as originally published on feather-magazine.com)

In a world where cell phones are seemingly permanently attached to every man, woman and child’s hand, it’s difficult to know when it’s okay to chat. But, sometimes yapping is just plain rude. Here are some of the top public places to avoid making calls or taking calls.

The subway or bus:
These places are torturous enough without incessant chatter, so refrain from carrying on phone conversations while using public transportation. After all, if you’re freaking out because you’re already 10 minutes late to work, would you really want to be forced to listen to another woman complaining to her BFF about what a terrible job her stylist did on her bangs yesterday? We didn’t think so.

Verdict: Not okay! Innocent passengers can’t escape listening to your conversation even if they wanted to.

Doctor’s office waiting room:
Everyone in a doctor’s office waiting room simply doesn’t want to be there, but they have to be for health reasons. Seating is limited and you’re typically lucky to find a magazine from this decade. Don’t make someone have to choose between listening to you chat to your mom about your nasty stomach bug and risking their health because they can’t stand the sound of your voice for another minute.

Verdict: Hang up your phone, and refrain from texting too. Typically, doctor’s offices ask you to put away your phone, anyway.

Salon:
Listen, at Feather we understand that listening to your manicurist yapping away to her co-workers can get annoying. We get that you may be tempted to call up your bestie from high school and ask her about the cute guy in her most recent Facebook photos. But trust us, you don’t want to be that girl. Just like the subway situation, people typically don’t want to listen to someone else’s gossip, so these chats can get very annoying very fast.

Verdict: By all means, text while you get your pedi, but save the calls for after you leave the salon.

Checkout line:
How many times have you seen someone mouth “paper” to the cashier in the grocery line because they’re too enamored  with their current phone conversation to put the other caller on hold? If the answer is too many, then you know exactly why this situation is a no-no. Not giving any kind of cashier the time of day or even the common courtesy to speak to them is just plain rude.

Verdict: Check your email and texts while you’re waiting in line, but don’t talk on the phone. This one is non-negotiable.